The first step, isn't it often that the first step is always the most important? I have to admit many a time I have failed to take the first step and I'm still learning to try to take it whenever I can. Like joining JK for Tumkur, somehow I declined. Like going for consultations, somehow I never go. Like going for rock climbing sub club, even somehow that didn't materialise. Sigh..
Is there something wrong with me? Even Yilin who mugs all day long is in CBLC.. Ivan is in Arts Club, Beng is in CHESS, Henry even though he isn't the most social type but he plays table tennis with his friends over there. Zeff is involved in Science Club's publications, JK needless to say, project Tumkur under his leadership, I already respect his balls to even try leading something. Why am I not taking a step forward? I'm not stepping backwards but I'm going to have zero displacement. I haven't even experienced hall life yet, which many people including my Geog lecturer say that it is part and parcel of University life and you wouldn't have experienced University life if you have not experienced campus life.
At most, I go for tennis with Beng and I'm grateful for that. At most I go for soccer with the NH guys and I'm lucky to be in such a closely bonded (sounds familiar?) bunch of friends. At most, the bi-weekly jog with PC Lee and yeah I'm really very grateful for finding such a close friend from NS days. I'm probably rank A in his heart while he's just rank B, I guess I do take friends for granted at times, don't I?
I look at my elder sis, school basketball team in BPGHS, Health & Fitness club in NJ, then NTU I think she stayed at hall for at least 2 semesters, was active in Talentime's committee, and did well in her studies in the end. Think the lowest grade she got was B and she got a 2nd upper class honours. Which means she's just below the Chinamen/SG elites.
Looking at my younger sis, the other extreme, dabbled in piano, organ and the guitar and soon lost interest one after another. Joined band in RV and literally never looked back, continued to be part of RV's alumni band after joining JJ's band as well and was part of the West Zone's band as well. Sometimes she comes home after my parents are asleep, and out of the door before they are awake. Which of course led to the detriment of her acadamia during JC1, flunked a couple of subjects with the combination of Art/Econs/Chemistry/Maths. Strangely enough she dropped Chemistry which in my opinion as a weak Chemistry student, is a freefrag. Nevermind, so after repeated warnings and chidings from my parents she still continues to be very active in band concerts and performances so now her A level results are out. Needless to say it wasn't very good except for Art which she nailed with a distinction.
I suppose our conservative family has really looked down on her "art work" and she has really proved all of us wrong but in the end, she has really failed where it really mattered (read: full A-level cert). Maybe she isn't really cut out for the standard 'maths/science' path like I wasn't really cut out for Physics. I'm sure her resume will be outstanding though for all the CCA stuff she was involved in.
Back to me, table tennis in primary school, which was enjoyable. Continued it in secondary school, training wasn't provided so it was terribly boring. Joined computer club hoping it would be fun and it was slightly better with students taking more initiative rather than teachers. Highlight was NDP 96 where we were forcefully drafted into Dance Society's training which I think was for the better of me. JJC, nothing much except joining the pathetically existing Health and fitness club. NS, nothing much, no comment but overall it was a good experience. NUS, made friends at O-week and really haven't done anything outstanding yet except to dabao 2 modules.
Strangely, at this point of the semester there still seems to be hope. Perhaps its because I know its tough to be failed for my 2 arts modules (Who ever fails arts essay-based modules?) unless you skipped all lectures and tutorials. Maybe its because I have stunned a white board marker at 2nd year lab, scribbling equation after equation whenever I'm free. Maybe its really because I am desperate now, really desperate enough to decide that I need help for my maths module, and my E&M module for good measure. So much that I'm quite sure I have taken half a step forward already, at least towards acadamia redemption. Hell, maybe its just that I'm aiming to scrape through Uni life, rather than to come out better equipped to face the world.
Haven't blogged like this in a while, sure feels weird but hopefully my other half-step will follow up, for my own good.
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