In times when I'm stressed and I'm out of place..
do I/should I

act somebody else to fit in?
or be myself?
Most people I think would definitely say they'd take the 2nd choice but I think most of them also subconsciously "act" or "develop" another persona to fit into the crowd.

Just a random thought on what would I do, like later on during tennis... zZzz

Watched LOTR today. Somehow the fact that I already know what's gonna happen served to make me very very bored throughout the movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it when the whole cinema's girls began shrieking on seeing Shelob coming after Frodo Baggins. Haha.. but it did seem a little draggy towards the end, but I could feel the hairs of my neck standing when Frodo decided to leave Middle Earth together with Bilbo, Gandalf and the rest of the Elves for the "West"? Whatever that place is lah.. dammit.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve ... time for more resolutions..
1. Do well in studies.
2. To keep myself healthy.
3. To be happy and contented and spend less money.
I think that's about it... if not I will be under a lot of pressure.

Hmnn I would like to conduct a poll, who wants to know more about cars? Haha! Reply in my tagboard!

Man Utd is so lucky... they won 1-0 over a very spirited Middlesborough with 10 men. Darren Fletcher got sent off. I was thinking well that Fletcher guy isn't exactly very impressive to me at all, if I were the team manager I wouldn't field him at all. What's more amazing is that the amazing players playing in Middlesborough... Gaizka Mendieta, Boudewijn Zenden(correct spelling?) as well as Juninho. I last saw Mendieta kicking ass in Valencia, Zenden in Barcelona FC. Juninho sure has a fiery temper kept arguing non-stop and well think referee dished out 4 or 5 yellow cards and a red of course.

Found out that tennis courts in NUS can be booked online.. I bought the overgrip for the tennis racket and I changed Walrus' pathetic toweling grip to a new overgrip. Guess that's his present for ... driving down personally to lend me his racket, haha!

Body clock is going upside down already, I'll try to sleep now.

Car of the day, A bright yellow Porsche Carerra-S zooming down Orchard Road in traffic jam conditions. Recently I've been seeing yet another Porsche in my neighbourhood, its a 923 or 925 I forgot the number, not very familiar with such expensive sports cars anyway..

My desktop PC is positively getting from bad to worse, now the mouse doesn't work anymore, something's wrong with the BIOS? (Basic Input Output System) It crashes when BT(BitTorrent) is running, takes an incredible long time to run IE(Internet Explorer) even when I have gigs of space for virtual memory to utilise..

Now I'm using my laptop looking at a blue screen on my desktop PC sigh.. there goes all the message history, bookmarks, but well the mp3s and anime are all intact hehe..
Oh damned I think my progress for Need For Speed: Underground is gone, stage 80 out of 111.... damned.. unlocked so many funky cars already :(

Read from Hai~Ren's email that 42 is now doing really silly things like giving out threats or something like that. The thing is that the poor guys are supposedly going to get punished if they can't pass their physical proficiency tests. That's bullshit.. its totally absurd. Apparently you won't be able to ORD if you can't clear the test. Wow great so if you're born obese, simply can't shed weight or you can only do 5 chin ups within your human limits.. you can't ORD?

Is 42 really that pathetic? That the commanders have to resort to using such .. idiotic methods to force people to pass IPPT? IPPT isn't that hard for me anytime but I don't know for others. In any case I'm quite damned sure these new measures/controls/threats/whatever really reflect very badly on the commanders even though bonuses and promotions might not actually be the root of these new "threats".

I remember the days, I volunteered for RT, to try to get the gold award. (Actually its $400 haha) Now I doubt that the soldiers will want to even try for gold. Guess the new CO is not that "smart" after all. Isn't it common sense that everything rests on morale of the soldiers? Duh.. if they don't take back this stupid threat I really hope the whole battalion doesn't even get a single gold. Then all the commanders will wake up their bloody idea haha!

Oh well, ORD loh...

Feliz Navidad folks....
I spent Xmas Eve working, Dawn of Xmas singing karaoke with my secondary school friends, and christmas day watching movies at home. Heh.. what a life man. I didn't even make a Christmas wish hmnn.. nevermind guess I gotta make 1 more New Year resolution then.. 2004 here I come!

Tennis rackets to spare?? Anyone??

One of my favourite female singers is Liang Jing Ru, Fish Leong. Check out that .. fish man... what a weird name. Oh well I wondering should I support her and buy her album or just live off her mp3s that I downloaded off the net..

Few days ago, I had a swim with Hai~Ren the bugger.. we swam a total of 2 laps and 1 breadths of the pool. And slept on the deck chairs for about an hour + or so? What gluttonous meatballs we are.. hahaha. We had a great time talking ... absolutely crap.. how to finish off our army superiors "happy tree friends" style.

Had a great time at NTU playing tennis .. some shots I hit were plain incredible man I mean by my own standards of course. Maybe I play better because I watch ESPN tennis a lot its very interesting to see how good players make full use of the court's width and length and the variety of shots they can come up with. Yeah ... the principles of physics behind a game of tennis haha. It really is the most fundamental of all sciences and that's what I like about it. I think Feynman once said something that I want to reiterate here but its not totally the same cos I have short term memory loss.

"You may know the name of the bird, what colour it is, how heavy, what species but yet you do not know anything about what the bird actually does"

Well you may know how to "topspin" a tennis or ping pong ball, its the opposite in this case. You apply the principle knowing its effect but you do not know what its called or how exactly to explain it.. in future my job shall be to explain this to the world! Hahaha!!!

BTW, something totally out of this world happened, I considering whether I should buy 4D.. This morn I logged on to CORS so that I could at least settle and register 2 of my core modules first. She was online and I said oh well I gtg for some tennis action. Suddenly she seems all excited, exclaiming she wants to learn how to play tennis etc etc. Ah well too bad I just gotta shut down my computer and leave the house.

So after returning home and having a good nap I woke up to CORS my modules again. Note how CORS has changed from a noun to a verb. Haha! She's online again, asked about my tennis day blah blah and once again elling me she wants to learn tennis. Then she gives me killer lines like "want to teach me tennis?"

I'm her tennis coach now... so anyone has rackets to spare? Tennis balls too~
When will I understand how this world works...

Got my results today.. all of them were Bs (reminiscent of my A level grades)..
Got 2 B+, 2 Bs, and a B-
Frankly if I had even worked my ass harder the previous semester I would have most probably got at least .. an A for my SCC module. Perhaps its the project work that pulled me down but I gotta admit I was quite lazy too. Lesson learnt is project work counts a lot, try to avoid it if possible. (hehe)
Went to sing KTV with my secondary school friends and I was trying desperately not to shed tears when I sang Jacky Cheung's "Ta lai ting wo de yan chang hui" literally, she came to listen to my concert...
Its just that the recent turn of events have been kinda unexpected yet expected. I'm still learning how to grapple with it..

We all learn by making mistakes.

Spent 14 bucks at KTV not to mention the 3 dollars of parking coupon I used.. zzz
I live such a fugged up life man... but its better than most of the other people in this world.

Oh yeah I'm supposed to go clubbing tomorrow night but I am so damned demoralised I really don't feel like going. I never liked going clubbing anyway, I'd give anything to chill out to the music minus the alcohol, and the entrance fee as well. Everything looks out of perspective right now... I just wish an angel would whisper into my ear tonight when I sleep, coaxing me, consoling me, giving me advice, giving me direction..

Read this in one of the xanga blogs..

"When she tells you that you're just her friend, most guys fail to catch this point and give up. If you just treat her like a normal friend, chances are that she's gonna miss the attention showered on her. Women are attention-seeking wh*res"

Hmnn could this be true? Or am I just looking for a ray of hope..
Oh well results will be out tomorrow and my god.. she seems to be hinting to me to take the same breadth next semester... hmnn.. its probably another of my super imaginative thoughts coupled with my incredible sensitivity to any stuff from her.
Damned its tough but I'm trying..

In primary school the science teacher taught us. "To compare 2 things you have to make sure they are under the same conditions."

Its not totally, directly relative to what I'm going to say but its not entirely unrelated to what I'm gonna say also.

Most if not all of the opinions of my friends have been right because they were a neutral party, they could see things more objectively, they could view things in a much less prejudiced view. This is really so "HK drama" style man.. can't believe its happening to me.

As I was saying to Ivan, its come more as a huge 20 storey high tsunami wave of disbelief rather than sadness or pain. A nice analogy would be climbing a mountain. You spend half a year training, training and training (Think Khoo Swee Chiow or whoever or however you wanna spell his name) and you start off... but it seems like the mountain simply extends higher and higher up into the stratosphere, atmosphere, assholesphere whatever you wanna call it...

The point is you will never complete the climb, and you don't know that its an impossible job to accomplish..

I've also found or rather verified a .. "psychological characteristic" of mine.. Whenever I'm depressed or sad or angry, an innate sense of wanting to share my shit with the world overcomes me and soon I will start bugging other people with my problems. Don't know what would happen without my friends around :) Maybe I would just explode from the internal pressure under constant volume expansion.. wahaha!

Must go for a swim tomorrow I have a date with my FRRRIEENNDD I have a LLLIIIFFEEE....
Grrrrrr anybody pisses me off within the next 5 days will get it.. excluding close friends and family

Sigh.. now is really verdict passed liao. I would like to dedicate Qi Qin's "Wu Qing De Yu Wu Qing De Ni"

The deed has been done... I shall continue with my life yeah so happy its a sunny day today.
I shall now go and wash the car instead of moping over non-existent troubles.

All I wanna say is thanks to SY who most prob won't ever get to read this.. and Ivan for listening and dispensing advice. Of course my dear buddy heard me out too thanks Beng..

If the situation doesn't improve I guess its time to use the last resort already.. time to bare nothing but the truth..

Hey who you kidding man, you just ain't gonna tell her right you're just fuckin afraid its gonna piss her off and you're gonna lose another friend? Wimp...
Its time to tell her how pathetic and lousy she's been treating you, playing you like a bloody fool..
Its about time you wake up and try to wake her up too.
If not holidays are gonna end, you're going back to school wasting almost 3K a month fretting over some unnecessary shit.

I have strange feelings bottled up inside me, if I wasn't fond of her it would be anger. So what would anger + affection = ?
Maybe someone can help me solve this equation man.. then I won't be so damned confused and pissed off and yet trying not to feel pissed because I'm supposed to like her. For what? I remind myself.. for what? I wonder if she was just a normal friend to me would I still feel pissed? But I feel pissed because I expect something in return, and I get this kind of thing. Ivan is so right man, I have a right to feel pissed cos I have a case.

If you ask me to list down 10 things I like about her I'd probably be stuck before I even begun. Maybe dreams will always be sweeter than reality. I guess she probably didn't understand why I sent her Selena's Dreaming of you, Lisa Ono's Cherie Amor. And yeah she sent me Code Red's What good is a heart. Seems like such an irony man, cos from what I see she sure ain't got no heart, at least none for me.

This reminds me of Stan from Eminem..
"All I wanted was a lousy letter or a call, I hope you know I ripped all your pictures off the wall.
I love you Slim we coulda been together think about it, you ruined it now I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it. I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me."

The rest of the lyrics are more and more irrelevant already so there's no point. At this point its 12noon and for the first time of the holidays, she's online. I don't think I wanna message her but even now I still carry a tiny bit of hope in my heart. Its time to shoot the email already..

Listening to: Ono Lisa - Moonlight Serenade (chill the fire..)

This blog seems to contain only lots of unhappiness and rants. And a hell lot of "sighssss"

2 words can describe today for me, f**ked up. Totally, the night before I got no reply, the morning I woke up the contractor came to look at the water leak and didn't repair it. Then I got caught on various traffic jams on the way to collect the car. Then, in return I get a scolding from my dad. Then after collecting the car I went to fetch my mother, had some peace finally but got horned by a stupid BMW for cutting into his lane.
Like my fault, I could cut into his lane or I could run down the cyclist lor! Bloody fool I hope he gets his car scratched, hubcab stolen, and windscreen cracked by some freak hailstone from the heavens.
Alright man after reaching home I also don't know why maybe its the weather I feel so drowsy then still gotta send the maid back with all the stuff. Bought dinner then kena scolded by my dad again. Cos he insisted on me going to a wedding dinner with them. Apparently its some relative whom I probably won't be able to recognise on the streets and being in such a f**ked up mood already I simply couldn't be bothered.

What followed next was a long lecture on family ties blah blah blah. What's the point man, its the 21st century we now live in nuclear/nucleated families already. No more extended family hello?? Obviously my father's mentality is still very "China" but he's born there and he grew up like that anyway. Can't really blame him can I? The point is that it only contributed more to my f**ked up day.

Man Utd beat Man City 3-1 and I saw Paul Scholes' goal, not bad considering he just came back from injury. Yeah and it was Sun Ji Hai's fault, failure to guard one of England's best midfielders properly.

Watched Band Of Brothers on channel 5 (Best channel in Asia). Yeah like I give a flying f**k about whether its best or not. The best programmes I have seen to date on channel 5 are probably FD's Who wants to be a millionaire, amazing race, and perhaps the news. Best my ass.. I hate mediacorp, always stressing that they are no. 1, getting some companies to audit and claim they have highest viewership yada yada. In my opinion the best channel is CNA, discovery channel, and ESPN/Star sports.
CNA cos Lisa Ang is there hehe, discovery for its nice gfx and interesting programmes like Extreme engineering, junkyard wars etc etc. ESPN/Star for having so many live telecasts of various sports.

So much for today.. she didn't reply yet again. F**KED UP DAY
I will quote Uncle Nic " Ming Tian Hui Geng Hao, today no marksman try tomorrow lah"

Hmnn today sent scooby for some tender loving care already... can't wait to see what scooby's gonna look like tomorrow~

Had one hell of a long day, send car for paint job, work, played with Russell my nephew, went for one of the worker's housewarming parties, then drove home in super dangerous conditions. Not bad I made it back without getting into any accidents..

I think holiday assignment ... I'm at a loss sia..!

If I could reach the stars, pull one down for you.. shine it on my heart, so you can see the truth, then this love I have inside, is everything it seems... but for now I find, its only in my dreams...

I'm starting to get really tired ( why am i complaining so much recently..?)
Why bog myself down over somebody else who probably doesn't give 2 spiders over what happens to me? Dammit
This week has been hectic, work and work, yeah and my very helpful sis seems to need to use the car tomorrow so yeah I can't send scooby for its well deserved grooming session tomorrow. Shit man..
yeah then another @!(*#&% worker tomorrow is having an off day so its me again. NB... this is perhaps the principle of equivalent trade, to get some you must lose some.

Stupid computer continues to crash whenever I run bittorrent, I don't understand the link, maybe there's something wrong with writing to the hard disk. Which is new! Yeah dammit x 2!!!

On an even brighter note, Ke Shou Liang passed away today. I thought he was killed doing a car stunt but my friend said it was overdose of alcohol and then he died from asthma(scary). The last time I saw him he was shedding tears after a "high ranking" monk performed a daring feat live on television. Life is simply so fragile, so tomorrow I will work like there's no tomorrow!!! Yeah right..

Oh well on a cheerful note today I serviced our loyal scooby doo finally! After 6 years, the engine oil has finally been changed haha! Now it runs smoother and there isn't any more of the "lag" I felt when depressing accelerator hard. Perhaps the air filter was clogged or dirty or something like that.

Helped my dad out at his shop later on, Katong customers are generally less fussy compared to those at Beach Road, I guess they have been trained well haha! No chilli, please refill yourself re-use your own cup. Then order from us before ordering from prawn noodles. Hmnn all of them were well behaved haha.

By right later on today there's an OG outing for my FOW OG but I really really don't feel like going because I'm too tired and sunburnt from Sunday's soccer and I know it will be a very tiring day if I go out and meet them at Orchard at 12 noon. That's ridiculously early.. so there you go, most probably I won't be going simply because I haven't got the motivation. I only have motivation for 1 thing .. zzz but its fading soon also. Maybe its time I went for a long swim~~~

Crazy people whom I barely know are adding me in friendster, and I quote my best buddy "collecting stamps" is the term we use to describe what these people are doing, adding people just for the sake of adding them. Haha I've not nothing against them but I think its a bit .. KS?

Time to sleep, I'll work harder on holiday assignment ***

Was really confused today and suddenly before I knew it I was listening to sad Andy Hui songs, sprawled on my bed and I started trying to re-learn some espanyol. I have no idea why I was slightly depressed hmnn maybe its because of the pathetic state of my holiday assignment.
So being the very practical me(yeah right you loser), I decided to give it a shot and asked her out for LOTR. After what seemed like an eternity, she sounds interested and asks about the date. After I reply she soon replies that she isn't that interested for THAT movie, but would rather watch another one. And she just stated her terms, that my "sister" must come along too. I don't know if this is good or this is bad, I guess its the former right?

How often have I waited like a fool, like today.. think it took about slightly around 1 hour to reply. At least she replied.. at other times there aren't even replies! I was seriously hearing lotsa voices in my head to just give up and move on and find someone else more suitable, I contemplated e-mailing her "the truth", and nothing but "the truth".

That in our roughly 6 months of friendship I don't think she has done anything for me at all, that she doesn't answer my questions directly, that she's really good at playing hard to get or she really IS that hard to get, that I'm sick and tired of waiting for something that won't happen, that I wish her well and mean no offence at all.

Well but after watching some anime this holiday season, and applying some common sense, I figured out maybe I haven't really been trying that hard for my part as well, taking the initiative and all that crap. Its been 99% SMS and 1 phone call. That's it.. As Fujiwara Takumi (Initial D) would say, "Well I don't know unless I try" or from the 2 brothers (Full Metal Alchemist) would say , "This is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy, to gain some is to lose some"

Oh well, so much for that, she stopped replying to my last message. Damn..

Sigh.. should I stay or should I go? What a dilemma

Had a drive driven by your love
But when you messed around I lost the drive I found
Thought you needed, needed someone true
But you changed your mind or had I failed you?
Wish again careful with my heart
But you tore it apart and broke an angel's heart
I guess what's true has an end somehow
But I am living proof of what love is about

It's hard holding you loving you losing you
It's sad to be true and be fooled by you
I don't know I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go

You played me on, played me like a clown
But I feel for you, even though I'm down
My heart is heavy, heavy like a rock
But I am so amused you're still in my thoughts

What's done is done and I'll never feel the same
But we had some good times, guess it's sad just the same
I guess the truth doesn't matter somehow
But you were living proof, of what love is about

Below is one of the most inaccurate, exaggerated and stupid, pointless type of "friendster testimonial" I have ever seen.

HahaZzZ~*~ knOwn hEr fOr...Erm...10 yEArS~!!! my clOSESt frIEnd EvEr SIncE prImAry twO~ thInk ShE knOwS EvEry SInGlE SEcrEt Of mInE...& EvEry dEtAIl Of my lIfE tOO~ ¶:) EvEry chArActOrIStIc Of AbSOlUtEly GOOd-nAtUrEd pEOplE thAt cAn EvEr ExISt...ShE hAS it~ I thInk hEr chArActOr IS jUSt flAwlESS...dOn't bElIEvE AnybOdy whO knOwS hEr In pErSOn cAn ActUAlly fInd AnythInG bAd AbOUt hEr SErIOUSly~ SUppOrtIvE, EncOUrAGInG, cOnSidErAtE, UndErStAndInG, mAgnAnImOUS, hElpfUl, kInd-hEArtEd, SOft-SpOkEn, SwEEt, hOnESt, GEnOUrOUS, tRUStwOrthy, hUmblE, frIEndly, ApprOAchAblE, cArInG, SElflESS, tOlErAnt...& & &...+ + +...wOrdS jUSt ArE nOt EnOUGh tO ExprESS hOw wOndErfUl ShE IS OkAy~??? ShE'S jUSt tOO GOOd tO bE trUE...the bESt GIrl ExIStInG On EArth~!!! thE IdEAl GIrl AS A frIEnd, A cOnfIdAnt, A pAl, A fUtUrE fEmAlE pArtnEr & wIfE fOr A GOOd GUy whO dESErvES hEr~ nObOdy ShOUld bUlly Or ExplOIt Or tAkE AdvAntAGE Of hEr...If hE/ShE hAS A hEArt~ tRUSt thAt OUr frIEndShIp wIll hAvE mAny mAny mAny mOrE 10 yEArS tO GO~ YEAhZ~!!!* With LotSsS Of StarSsS & HugSsS, XXX

How do I know its the most inaccurate, exaggerated, stupid/pointless/lame testimonial? Because I'm the receipient's brother and frankly nobody can be that perfect. Secondly my whole family agree unanimously that she's got an attitude problem. Not to flame her or what but I really think these type of testimonials are nothing but absolute crap. If you want to leave a testimonial at least allow it to have some element of truth if not you're just .. I dunno.. advocating a product or what? LAME!
On a second note, if you really want to receive such false testimonials... you might as well join pretendster.com and write some testimonials for yourself
For the ultimate LAME combo DUH..

Woah I going to "pua peh" liao... really damned shag and sneezing non-stop after helping out at shop for 1 day. Sleeping late watching Initial D VCDs.. combined with early waking hours is disastrous for health..

I finally had a haircut, a much needed one. Somehow after I got home it seemed the back was still quite long.. I dunno now I can't be bothered already, I'm typing with my eyes half-closed already!

I dunno what/how to progress with holiday assignment.... ah well gotta go.. and relax on that new I-symphonic OSIM chair dad bought. *snigger*

Now that my exams are over I must try to list down a few things I need to do if not they will never get done...
1. Clear up the super messy room
2. Get new hard disk
3. Frame the jigsaw puzzle
4. Arrange and reorganise all the frisbee CDs..
5. Can't think of any more stuff more important than my "holiday assignment" so nervous..

Looks like the road is still a long long one to go ..

hmmnn reminds me of the JJC song.. *christ..*

The road unwinds before us, and we must venture on.. towards the bright tomorrow, which faith and hope enthrone...
We shall not stay nor linger, we shall not (I can't remember the rest except the chorus already..)

Hmnn ok I'll try the Saint Gabriel's Boys' School song...
er.. totally forgot..
Bukit Panjang Primary School..
chorus goes something like.. "endeavour is our school motto, we should always follow, but all xxx blah ... until we are the BESTTTTTT..."
Wahahahaha this is so pathetic..

Nan Hua Secondary School..
Years it takes to build a nation, strive we through this valour always... nurtured we from childhood through our youth, finest essence spread we all our days..
Loving loyal filial upright patience courteous be.. patient tolerant and humble we shall be.. work together each dutifully..forward to the future eagerly..

Chinese version how to type...

"Li guo da ji xu bai nian shu ren.. wo xiao tong ren yi qi xing ge li.. xiao xue jiao yu yu zhong xue jiao yu, wu yu ping jun fa chan xiang mian li.. li yi lian ci zhong xiao ren ai hao xiao xun, rong ren qian rang re cheng fu ze xiang mian li... fen gong he zuo xiang wan li qiang cheng, ta ri xue cheng wei guo jia xiao li.."


Jurong Institute.. by far the most amusing...

I'll start from the chorus..
"Open the window, open the mind, blah blah blah something inside... pledging to build society.. may JI forever be.."
Yeah man... OPEN the window.. wahaha


*Applaud please!!*

I have now a grand total of 4 scratches.. I guess its one for each module.. I look so ... jialat.. like I been to a catfight haahhaaa!

Been so tired recently chionging last minute work.. its ok in 2 days time it will be all over and I'll be free at least for a couple of months? Yeah then can progress with my holiday assignment! Haha

Somehow when I'm stressed, I bite my fingernails. Then when I sleep I unconsciously scratch my face. Tadah, claw marks on face.. sianz. There's a huge one on my right cheek, small one under my nose(new one).

Oh well.. hope all will go well for me.. I will attempt to sleep earlier today .. its 1am now..

Sigh, no wonder PC Lee liked this song so much... always at war..

Are we at war tonight?
Will there be angels whispering to me goodnight..
Don’t wait when lightning strikes

My heart for you is true
Let no one take it from you
Time is running tight, can’t change from wrong to right

So I’ll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be, baby..
Its time to say farewell
No need to cry or feeling sorrow its alright
I’ll end the bulk of lies

Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine I’ll hold you by my side
But I’ll rest in peace my sweetheart
Would you let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight,
Only you can change my world from black to white.
So I’ll close my eyes and dream a little more

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to me goodnight
Don’t wait when lightning strikes
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine I’ll hold you by my side
But I’ll rest in peace my sweetheart
Would you let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can get me strength to fight
Till the sky is burning
It’s the end of time

Look ahead tomorrow long and winding road
Keep your faith of mine don’t let it go
You’re the only reason night ain’t growing cold
What would I do, without you

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine I’ll hold you by my side
But I’ll rest in peace my sweetheart
Would you let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright
Life, no longer empty with you in my arms,
In my heart…

Let Me Die - Nicholas Tse

Feel very drained today, studied with Jeff at Bukit Batok Mac..
Dad was mowing the grass until he cut the line for the mower so now.. sigh...
Air con is leaking water.. zzz

I guess all this is a sign for me to hit the sack!

I dedicate Aerosmith's Fly away from here to all the poor people struggling for their exams.

Gotta find a way
Yeah I cant wait another day
Aint nothing gonna change
If we stay around here
Gotta do what it takes
Cause its all in our hands
We all make mistakes
Yeah but its never too late to start again
Take another breath and say another prayer

And Fly Away from here
Anywhere yeah I dont care
We just fly away from here
Our hopes & dreams are out there somewhere
Wont let time pass us by
We'll just Fly yeah

If this life
It seems harder now
It aint no never mind you got me by your side
And anytime you want
Yeah we can catch a train & find a better place
Cause we wont let nothing or noone keep getting us down
Maybe you & I could pack our bags & hit the sky

And Fly Away From Here
Anywhere yeah I dont care
We just fly away from here
Our hopes & dreams are out there somewhere
We wont let time pass us by
We just Fly

Do you see a blue-er sky now
You can have a better life now
Open your eyes
Cause no one here can ever stop us
They can try but we wont let them
No way
Maybe you & I
Could pack our bags & say goodbye

And Fly Away From Here
Anywhere honey I dont care
We just fly away from here
Our hopes & dreams are out there somewhere
Fly Away from Here
Yeah anywhere honey I dont I dont I dont
Yeah we just fly away

I have to get this off my chest.. this friendster thing is really killing me. I just saw a picture I didn't really want to see.
Now I guess I'm .. green with envy sigh

Oh well what's new..

ANOTHER CASE OF MY SUPER HIGH SENSITIVITY!
DAMN

Car(s) of the day:

1. One hell of a MASERATI coupe.. Woaaaa~~~
2. Toyota MR2 Spyder.
3. Porsche Carrera.

I'm so lucky I didn't sleep too much today if not would have missed a chat session with... phew..
Looks like I'm not alone in being unable to get into the studying mood. Its 3am now.. and I'm stuck at a question.
Not bad, at least I'm trying..

Btw, all the cars were spotted at Katong today, Katong laksa was great!

Had a studying session on Friday with another friend.. hmnn haha. Studying never goes out of fashion~!
My recent "eating disorder" hasn't gone away, hmnn looks like this incredible appetite of mine is here to stay. IPPT has been cancelled sigh.. so I guess all that training can't be put to good use now.

The new Nissan Cefiro is out, haven't had an opportunity to see it but well on its day of release I think already 300 orders were taken. Guess its going to be the next most common car after Corolla/Sunny and apparently my dad is super 'gian' he keeps talking about 2 things.
1. The durian season
2. Buying the Sei fei lo (Translated from Cantonese = something along the lines of Dead Old Man)
Well anyway seems like the Cefiro isn't gonna be contented to fight with Toyota's highly successful Camry. Its 2.3 and 3.5 litre versions have V6 motors and yeah, those cars are gonna be relatively faster.

I also watched a TV program recently on channel NewsAsia or was it BBC? I think its the latter, it showcased the Forrester 2.0 Turbo from Subaru, you could really see the show's host playing a fool with that huge SUV, flooring the throttle and flinging the steering wheel around. The most amazing this was how the car could handle all that abuse, my jaw was gaping when I saw how the Forrester's amount of grip on dirt tracks and even grass. Hmnn how I wish I could do that too! Looks so fun!

*I CAN'T WAIT FOR HOLIDAYS MAN!!!*

Hmnn went to the Hon Sui Sen library today with a friend and we hijacked a seminar room. Our arse got duly kicked at the ripe time of 4pm then we proceeded to another seminar room. Within 10 minutes of settling down, we got kicked out again. Too bad, well then we proceeded to law library and it sure is a darned nice looking library! Carpeted staircases, huge glass windows complete with a green nature view..for a moment I thought I was in Jurassic Park~

Hmnn on the whole I think not very constructive day but yeah I did manage to get work done, or rather I did some past year paper questions which is .. quite commendable. Hehe.. I think I'll try to book the seminar room for tomorrow~ after the multimedia presentation. Which I'm sure is gonna be a nice presentation for a pathetic project...

Oh no.. I'm supposed to be studying.. but I can't concentrate man. Dead.. and the science library is like a market.. so many stupid idiots down there talking and talking. Normally its still quiet enough even with the random page-flipping, pencil-twirling and coughs and sneezes. Maybe I will try to go cold turkey no internet for a few days.

If not this is going to be a bad semester for me.~

Amazing, though I didn't put in as much stuff as I would love to, I've somehow rushed and completed the 2 projects on time. What's left is just the presentation now.. for 1 of 'em.
Hmnn I been taking great care of the car recently, I tried using the "turtle wax" polishing compound... got some scratches removed and others are more diminished now. Hmnn maybe I should go start a car polishing company? Haha "bangalah" work sia.. what all army guys excel in.
Exams are coming but I can't feel the tension yet. Still in a semi-comatose state after the 2 stupid projects.. grr~!
Anyone wants to study in school?? Jio me~!

A storm is brewing,.. I can feel it and lots of doors and windows are being slammed shut. The skies are fiery red now its quite a sight to behold..
Hmnn had a jog earlier on, thank goodness it didn't rain ~ somehow my timing dropped around 2 minutes.. weird
Whatever, going to sleep now peace~^

Hmnn new sounds for studying as follows...

1. Yanni 'Live' at the Acropolis
2. Lord Of The Rings OST

This type of .. instrumental music I would think gets me going quite well, its not too deathly silent and there aren't any lyrics at all to distract you.. much better than the mp3s I like to play..

Gotta finish the 2 projects at all cost this weekend if not I'm basically a gone case this semester, which is incidentally my first..

Today was a day well spent.. had a mug-a-thon in science library and did some research on my SS assignment. Me and my wayward legs.. haha I was swinging them around happily unaware that there was a girl sitting opposite me. Of course I couldn't see cos there's this board meant to give yourself more privacy I guess. So of course I didn't really mean it but my legs were feeling claustrophobic so I absolutely needed to stretch them and I made contact with something else than the table. OOPS!! Hahaha I didn't apologize but I was very paiseh.. Hmnn turned out she was .. a looker!
Haha.. oh well so much for the legs~

Had an incredible jog yesterday, ran the same route and I ran faster than before and I didn't really get short of breath. Maybe somehow the "lung capacity" has increased? Hmnn then the compression ratio is higher and thermal efficiency higher.. heh Physics again..

Thanks Beng for joining me for that huge dinner.. hokkien mee + stingray + some curry haha~!

I'm FUCKING DULAN cb
GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
And its all because of my lack of proper time management. Now I gotta rush 2 projects already and exams are coming soon. But I gotta say I really appreciate my other group memberswho are taking the mod as S/U still quite serious about the project. I was hoping to do well in this mod but I guess its kinda be very tough already. Sigh.. all hope is not lost, I'll try to continue slogging and yeah before I know it it'll be holidays and I'll have a much better assignment to do...

Oh well back to reality.. fuckin hell.. ARHHHH

I don't know why but I just cannot seem to concentrate at all.. I been doing this physics tutorial which should be quite a breeze but somehow I keep getting stuck and start doing bo liao things like ICQ-ing and Friendster-ing.. oh no..
Must really moderate my online time if not I'm sure its gonna cause my downfall. Either that or I gotta study in school..

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train and
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream but
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.
_______________Five for Fighting - Superman (Its not easy)____________________

I just love this song, its the self humbling spirit of the song. Or is it because I'm always permanently depressed over non-existent troubles? Hmnn.. I'll try to figure it out..
Today I msged someone and I got so pissed/depressed/bored all rolled into one that I started watching this Channel I's Indian movie. Turned out it was the much talked about "Lagaan" and I finally finished watching the movie I think like 3 or 4 hours later it seemed like an eternity before it was over.
The movie was about the oppression of an Indian village by who else but the British colonial governor and yeah I guess its set in around the time of India's struggle for independence. So this village's governor of sorts is a British captain and somehow he sets a challenge to Bhuvan a young man. That if Bhuvan can form a team of villagers and win in a game of cricket against the British team, then Captain Russell will cancel Lagaan for 3 years. Lagaan refers to taxes which was already quite unfair because it was the Indians who were toiling and harvesting the grain and yet most if not all of their grain went to Great Britain instead, I guess this is called a self sustaining economy or something like that.
So the hero Bhuvan shocks the whole village by accepting the challenge. (if he loses the whole PROVINCE, not village will pay triple Lagaan) Yeah and as the story evolves, Bhuvan slowly forms his team including his "girlfriend's" father and an outcast or untouchable who was incidentally a cripple. In the end the cripple would prove to turn the British tide...
Well if you somehow manage to get hold of the VCD (no real special effects so DVD is a bit stupid) I recommend that you watch it. Of course there are the usual dances and songs but its much less dumb and stupid than the normal Indian movies I've watched. It has a much more serious and political meaning to it. Oh yeah make sure there are English subtitles, Channel I screened it with subtitles :)

What a day...

For the first time I'm confident of passing my quiz.. yeah man I shall give myself a treat! Well exams are just around the corner and I think everyone's feeling the blues already. ZZzz same goes for me but I guess I gotta set yet another ultimatum for myself, pass all my exams with flying colours! I'm so pissed my multimedia assignment got only a B after all the effort I put in. Obviously my "Matrix" flash wasn't very much appreciated by the lecturer or whoever marked my work, grrr..
Jus now had a nice tennis session with my friend before SS lecture. I'm so glad I decided to turn on my lappie midway through the lecture cos well you never know who's gonna be online~ Too bad my lappie's ICQ hasn't been properly configured so the history wasn't saved :(
Someone told me to be more confident in myself, I don't see how I can even be a wee bit confident, maybe its just the way things are turning out, the rate things are progressing, and the incredible bit of bad luck that I've experienced lately.. well its ok. After all, I've still got a lot of things in life to look forward to.

*listening to Nicholas Tse - Let Me Die and Space - 1 o' clock*

Her: Hey me and ** in arts canteen. You want to join us?

Me: Sure! See you in 5 minutes!

What? Jesus Chri.. I had only just got outta moi ultra comfortable bed, fiddlin around with the exciting new laptop. This has got to be Lady Luck messing around with you on purpose...

Me: I'm still at home! So paiseh! Another time?

Her: I'll be waiting for you! *wink*

Her: Okie, cya ard.

Yup, the fullstop was included by her, not me...

Just in case you guys don't get it, the bold sentences represent the ideal world. Now that is so lame.. *knocks his own head*

Back to reality.. tomorrow Physics quiz as I said I'm gonna pass it by hook or by crook, I'm quite half proud of myself I've studied half as hard as I would like to so I guess I'm half as proud.. LOL
Ok.. back to "K the books"... zzz

My metabolism is going into overdrive.. I had chicken rice at 9:30am today with a huge pack of vitasoy.
Didn't really have lunch, had a dinner at 5:30pm, then went home for my 2nd dinner at around 8:30pm.
Just finished my instant noodles @ 1am.. am I a hungry man or what? I noticed I've become so skinny that I can see the veins in my thighs.. that's surprising to me cos' I never thought there would be such visible veins running along the thighs, inner thighs to be exact.
Hmnn tried out the new lappie @ school today and I guess I'm pretty amazed by its performance so far.. wireless connectivity meant surfing in the canteen.. haha! What a poseur I am.. ok lah I did manage to get some constructive work done in the library using the lappie.

There's a quiz on Thursday and I'm determined to pass it by hook or by crook. My eye's been twitching the whole day already is someone thinking about me??? DREAM ON BOY!!

Woohoo~ I am bleddy 21 now! Hmnn well what can I say.. its back to reality, 1 physics tutorial due tomorrow. Guess I'll have to blog another time round..

Oh my go.. christ... I'm bloody surfing Friendster.com. This friendster thing is so addictive I think they've exploited my inate sense of erm.. what do you call that?
Social curiosity and kay-poh-ness. Maybe if I were a sociology major I could explain this better..
Arghh stupid friendster I'm gonna flunk all my exams!!!
This is getting really crazy oh no help me Mr Sandman!!!

Hehe.. did a bit of template editing today.. hmnn most probably I'm gonna change the CSS style some other time, I think this font is so kiddy..

I went jogging today, but without my mp3 player.. I've noticed something very strange when I jog with the player blastic music in my ears. The music actually seems slower! Wow it might be that my sense of judgement and timing is slightly warped and twisted by the running but yeah, to me the music's tempo is slower!!

This is so hilarious, it relates totally to Galilean transformation or dunno what you would like to call it. I would love to call it "Ah Teck the Great's incredible non Euclidean transformation of music tempo relative to Earth's rotation" .. theorem. Yeah that's what I'll call it. Anyway the thing is basically making a mountain outta a molehill.. say you're running on a bus. The bus is also moving, so your speed relative to Earth is your running speed recorded on the bus + the speed of the moving bus. Why make simple facts so tough to understand? Physics is a lot of bullshit I realised.

So now I'm running so the music tempo relative to my perception of timing is ... slowed down? Hey doesn't that violate the whatever-u-wanna-call-it-theorem ?

Anyway IPPT is on December 19th and I'm determined to clear it at my first try. However I'm already feeling the effects of running on my left knee and ankle already. Maybe I should stick to non-impact activities like swimming.. haha! My favourite actually~!
This friendster thing is getting outta hand as agreed with my army friend. The thing is addictive and I should add friendster as 1 of the addictive waves of modern internet..
Ok, more readings to chiong.. I hope everything's well for...

I can't believe I'm actually gonna hold a 21st birthday party. I haven't held a birthday party since I was like 5 or 6 at most. Well maybe its my introverted nature or something lah but even I'm not so sure. The idea just doesn't really appeal to me, everybody coming to your house and you gotta prepare lotsa food and supposedly games and stuff like that. Maybe its the logistics I'm scared off but I'd rather just chill out with a couple of close friends and go for a nice meal at somewhere cool and breezy. Maybe some lemonade by the pool and a few bikini babes milling about would be a nice addition. Hehe.. where was I?

I figure I've been using Internet since secondary 2. That's like 1996 so I've been positively a frickin' Net half-addict since I was 14 that's almost like 6 years already. I wanna make sure my kids grow up with a REAL childhood, not playing some stupid games at home everyday instead of running about as they should. Reading another person's blog I also kinda realised the different waves my generation has been through. First was IRC, meeting new friends, organising channel outings, crazy bickerings over channel access..
Then it was ICQ, the very first instant messenger to pop out on the net itself. Incredible idea as today's 30 million or god-knows how many users can testify to that. Then came the first mp3 channel I think, #mp3files. Wow~ I thought to myself as I started leeching from users Aerosmith and Nirvana songs, stuff I couldn't have possibly found in record stores. Def Leppard, Led Zep, Weird Al. Then it was the birth of Singapore ONE. Never mind if the portal never really took off, fun.s1.net.sg did! It was then downloads galore using Getright, Southpark episodes streaming down my telephone cable. What else was there, yeah without a doubt the most successful FPS game in multiplayer history, CounterStrike. I started playing in JC1 and I still play it occasionally. There was a point of time where I really couldn't control myself much and I very much wanted to play the darned game, frag the idiot who got me the last round instead of sleeping. Sometimes I played from evening right till around 5am. Thinking back, that was really outrageous and its a wonder I passed my promotional exams and my subsequent A level exams. The bloody game caused a mushrooming of LAN shops all over Singapore, at one point of time it was seriously getting out of hand. The game was infectious and spread like wildfire. Everybody was talking about clans, who was the best sniper, camping tactics and lots of other bugs/cheats.. stuff like that.
Napster came and went, KaZaa is now being sued or something like that and I guess the next big thing of Internet is most probably wireless surfing which is very convenient and popularised by Intel's Centrino notebooks.
Oh well so much for this blog, seems like a summarised history of modern Internet.. haha!

I guess you've heard, I guess you've known, in time I'd have told you but I guess I'm too slow
Its totally romantic, but I know that its real
I hope you don't mind if I say what I feel
Its like living in somebody else's dream
this cannot be happening to me

But you were there
you were everything I'd never seen
You woke me up from this long and endless sleep
I was alone I opened my eyes and you were there..

Don't be alarmed no don't be concerned
I don't want to change things leave them just as they were
Honey nothing's really different
Its me you feel strange
I'm always lost for words when someone mentions your name
I know that I'll get over this for sure
I'm not the type that dreams there could be more

But you were there
You were everything I'd never seen
You woke me up from this long and endless sleep
I was alone
I opened my eyes and you were there

Can I take your smile home with me
Or the magic in your hair....

The rain has stopped
The storm has passed
Look at all the colours now the sun's here at last
I suppose that you believe it but I want you to know
Part of you stays with me even after you're gone
Like an actor playing someone else's scene
This cannot be happening to me..

But you were there
You were everything I'd never seen
You woke me up from this long and endless sleep
I was alone.... and I opened my eyes
And I, I'm not alone, no... not alone...
I opened my eyes... you were there...


You were there by the Southern Sons
Lyrics are my own translation

I would imagine that it is quite tough to believe that a human can almost be controlled psychologically by another human. I think that is exactly my situation now.. I'd better rush physics tutorial by tonight and stop thinking so much.

These are certainly troubling times, I didn't sleep much last night because I was frickin' thinking so much in fact I had a lot of dreams too. But they weren't the least relevant to what was on my mind though.. I dreamt of a lot of army stuff I have no idea why. Some of the dreams are really really weird, there's the one with LTC Lai popping his head into some room where we were doing some fatigue work as usual and me and my platoon mates courtesy of Mr. Sandman are surprised to see our ever-friendly CO come and "cheer us up"

I can't really remember the rest but I do remember tossing and turning like Ayumi Hamasaki in the MTV "Surreal" But then again,...
1. She's one hell of a babe
2. Her bedsheets were pure white
3. She didn't have any bright condominium lights facing her to piss her off
4. Her room was facing the sea, damnnit!!

I also think that my brain is kinda trying to kill itself.. its thinking about lotsa nonsense 24/7 nonstop. Its driving me crazy and I have no idea how to stop it, maybe with the Palmolive Anti-stress shower foam I guess haha!

Last.. Monday I think or was it? Wednesday? Ok its Monday.. I met my old primary school friend and it turns out he's from ... Pharmacy! Haha so yeah and he knows her too! Well it doesn't really mean I should shout for joy or what anyway but well at least I did find out from him that the workload for Pharmacy is really incredulous! Christ.. its almost like Chemical Engineering's workload.. which is insane by the way. Poor Beng, jia you jia you..

Where was I again, ok I must continue with my lab assignment its bloody due tomorrow and I have no idea how to do the bleddy piece of crap~

Did I mention I got myself a new mini keyboard? It rocks! @!()*&%!@#+_)(_*&!@#
HAhaha and my favourite
the TILDE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just joined friendster.com
Its quite fun penning the testimonials of your friends even though you might not know them very well..
Hmnn.. ok I'm bloody hungry now and I'm shockingly lazy these few days I really really need to get my act together if not I'm gonna continue flunking all my physics tests..

I give up, tripod.com really sucks..
I've jumped onto the bandwagon right now.. that's all for the first post..