All I wanna say is thanks to SY who most prob won't ever get to read this.. and Ivan for listening and dispensing advice. Of course my dear buddy heard me out too thanks Beng..

If the situation doesn't improve I guess its time to use the last resort already.. time to bare nothing but the truth..

Hey who you kidding man, you just ain't gonna tell her right you're just fuckin afraid its gonna piss her off and you're gonna lose another friend? Wimp...
Its time to tell her how pathetic and lousy she's been treating you, playing you like a bloody fool..
Its about time you wake up and try to wake her up too.
If not holidays are gonna end, you're going back to school wasting almost 3K a month fretting over some unnecessary shit.

I have strange feelings bottled up inside me, if I wasn't fond of her it would be anger. So what would anger + affection = ?
Maybe someone can help me solve this equation man.. then I won't be so damned confused and pissed off and yet trying not to feel pissed because I'm supposed to like her. For what? I remind myself.. for what? I wonder if she was just a normal friend to me would I still feel pissed? But I feel pissed because I expect something in return, and I get this kind of thing. Ivan is so right man, I have a right to feel pissed cos I have a case.

If you ask me to list down 10 things I like about her I'd probably be stuck before I even begun. Maybe dreams will always be sweeter than reality. I guess she probably didn't understand why I sent her Selena's Dreaming of you, Lisa Ono's Cherie Amor. And yeah she sent me Code Red's What good is a heart. Seems like such an irony man, cos from what I see she sure ain't got no heart, at least none for me.

This reminds me of Stan from Eminem..
"All I wanted was a lousy letter or a call, I hope you know I ripped all your pictures off the wall.
I love you Slim we coulda been together think about it, you ruined it now I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it. I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me."

The rest of the lyrics are more and more irrelevant already so there's no point. At this point its 12noon and for the first time of the holidays, she's online. I don't think I wanna message her but even now I still carry a tiny bit of hope in my heart. Its time to shoot the email already..